Rapunzel. I think.

Once upon a time there lived a girl. In a tower. In the middle of a forest. She was visited by one other woman, once a day, to give her necessities. Or at least, that’s what he heard.

“I will rescue this young Damsel!” Prince Edward declared as he smashed his fist against the marble table. He quickly pulled away to nurse his hand in pain.

“Who ever said she needed rescued?” Edward’s best friend, James, yawned as he reclined on the throne and flipped through an old, leather book. “Some people like to be alone, you know?”

“Nonsense!” Edward scoffed, “Anyone would be miserable to never behold my beauty.” He flipped his golden hair over his shoulder and gave James his shining smile.

“Yeah, whatever. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Without looking up, he shifted in his seat and turned another page. “That’s why you’re seventeen and have never been on a date.”

“I went to a ball with Anna!” He threw one arm in the air then began pacing.

James fought the urge to bubble over in laughter and smiled behind the pages of his book. “Anna’s your mother, dude.”

“And?!”

“Nothing. Just saying.”

“Well. I am going to rescue her, like it or not!” Edward cried as he stomped his foot down and stormed from the room.

“Uh huh. Sure.”




Edward sulked as he trudged through the forest. James hadn’t reminded him to take his horse, what would the maiden think? Princes ALWAYS rode white horses. Well, there was that ONE black spot on the horse; but who would notice? It was-- “OW!” he cried as he painfully slammed into stone. When did that get there?

He took a step back and stared at the colossal building before him. Stone was piled upon stone as the tower reached for the sky. Edward searched the building for an entrance. “WHERE IS THE DOOR?” He wondered aloud. After a total of thirty seconds, he decided that there was no possible way to get in and gave up.

As he started his way back to the castle, he heard a woman call, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me!” He turned back to see hair more golden than his own flowing from a window at the tower and someone climbing up it. “Hm. I think I’ll try that.” Edward started running towards the castle; but was knocked out by a tree branch for his lack of attention.

Groaning, Edward awakened to find the sky now midnight blue. He thought it to be midnight. Rising to his feet, he grunted under his own weight and, with a slight concussion, made his way to the tower. He yelled, “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair to me!” Instantly the locks fell from above and he clumsily climbed up. Once at the top he was dumbstr-- he was stricken by Rapunzel’s gorgeous looks. She gestured for him to move closer and he eagerly did so. She walked up to the window where the prince was already half in, pulled him close, and kissed him. Right before she pushed him.



“What do we have here, gentlemen?” James asked as he sauntered over to the two men, one standing above the blood and the other looking under the white sheet.

The standing one replied, “It looks like the prince somehow climbed to the top, fell down--”

“He wasn’t the brightest…or the most coordinated.” James interjected.

“Yes, well,” the man gave him an odd look, “I don’t believe he fell to his death--”

“Yes,” interrupted the second man, “It would appear a passing bear cub cushioned his fall. Poor thing never saw it coming. The prince seemed to have died by--”

“The furious bear mother mauling him! HA! I said it, I said it! No one interrupted me!” The first man jumped up and down in what appeared to be gloating. James and the second man exchanged looks and shrugged.

“Anything at the top of the tower?” James asked.

“We’re about to find out.” The second man grunted as he and the first man picked up an absurdly long and wide ladder and leaned it against the tower.

James was the first up, closely followed on the sides by the others. They all poked their heads to see through the window simultaneously. The room was covered in dust; no one could have lived there for at least a hundred years.

“Hm.” Said the first one.

“Huh.” Said the second one.

“Told him.” Said James.