Sort of Cinderella

Once upon a time, a mad scientist named Arnold was so unsettling that no one wanted to be around him. He, of course, paid no mind and enjoyed his time blowing the town folks’ houses up and letting loose mutant fish-bears. One day, as one of his fish-bears was cutting his hair, he thought to himself that he had no heir. No one would carry on his shenanigans or take careful care of his friends. “THIS CANNOT BE!” he shouted as he darted out of the chair. Evil genius he was, he devised a plan, shouted orders, and lurched from the room with his newly cut reverse Mohawk.

Following his previous scene, Arnold completely forgot everything the moment he laid eyed on some chocolate chip cookies. After his snack of cookies, milk, and a short game of see-which-villager-can-outrun-the-giant-rabid-bunny-duck, he decided to check his mail. He found a letter addressed to his recently deceased neighbor, the poor man was mauled by an angry mutant bunny, in his mailbox. To his surprise, the king and queen of the kingdom were hosting a ball, obviously the prince needed a bride and his parents needed alone time. Maybe not. He stuck the invitation into his mouth and flipped through the rest on his way back up to the house.

Arnold stared at the invitation for quite some time, it was a lovely thing; the paper was flecked with gold, the calligraphy was perfect, it even smelled nice. He sighed. He never went to these things, but it seemed such a pity to waste. Bear-fish 1, also known as Bear-fish #1, wandered into the room and sat next to him. A brick of memory smashed into Arnold’s face as he remembered he still needed to have an heir. Once again giddy, Arnold swept through the castle in search of blueprints. He wanted a girl. A boy would run around playing with his beakers and burn an arm off, he wasn’t quite sure if it would be his or the boy’s. She would have to be older; but not too old. Finally, he pulled something from his cabinets. Yes, that would do well.

“FLIP THE SWITCH!” he screamed to rabid-bunny-duck as he stood next to the cloth covered corpse. Arnold hoped this would work, he really hoped this would work. The other 576 times were complete failures and frankly, he did not have all day. Electricity soared through the room, setting ablaze something here and there. Lights flashed as she sat up, the fabric crumpled away to reveal her sparkling emerald eyes and wavy blonde hair. She yawned and stretched, taking in her surroundings. Arnold had done it! He had finally created a--oh what are those things called…a daughter! Flowy hair wasn’t something he had. Well, she really looked nothing like him. Maybe he hadn’t thought it through enough, he could have--“Who am I?” his newly, uh, made daughter interrupted his thoughts. Poor Arnold was not used to this for he stumbled back and burned himself on some hot cinders. “OW! You’re, uh, you’re…” he quickly glanced around the room for a name. His hand hurt. “You’re Cinderella.” Arnold squinted and stared, hoping she’d buy that he’d thought ahead or something. She did. Bear-fish 5 crawled into the room with a new poofy dress and plopped it on the table next to Cinderella. He then handed her the invitation and left. She shrugged and started to get ready for the ball.

Prince Deidren sighed as he was forced to dance with each girl his mother thought suitable, which was basically every girl there. His feet were killing him and he wanted to go back to sleep when Cinderella floated through the entrance. Deidren was awestruck, of course. Immobilized, he was unable to avoid the dancers around him and they collided. Cinderella held her laughter down as the queen practically threw her at him. Happily, they danced and danced until she suddenly remembered Arnold telling her to be home by midnight or her dress would turn into carnivorous gift boxes filled with cake. She quickly noticed a clock clearly reading 10:58. She breathed a breath of relief and continued to dance the night away until Deidren cried in surprise as her dress started to fall apart. In her flurry to get away, Cinderella lost her tiny black shoe.

Arnold shook his head when he opened the door to find a half-naked Cinderella and a few boys from the neighborhood trailing after her. He swept her inside and sent death traps after the running and screaming boys. After a stern talking-to, Cinderella collapsed onto her bed and slept soundly throughout the night.

Headlines of the next day’s paper read: Ball Causes Insanity, Hundreds Hospitalized, Others Sent to Institutions. Scientist Arnold smiled as he placed the paper carefully next to his breakfast, maybe his daughter was like him after all. Cinderella drowsily slumped into the dark kitchen, still wearing pajamas. They exchanged good morning nods then she grabbed cereal and Arnold finished his breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon, and orange juicy stuff.

Deidren very much wanted to marry Cinderella, and thus started a quest to find her. He went door to door to try to find the girl the tiny slipper belonged to. Hundreds of women lined up and desperately attempted to cram their feet inside, however, none succeeded. One day Deidren made his way to Arnold’s castle, he was very much frightened by the thunderstorm hovering only above the ancient castle. He came across two young men who looked like they had been brutally attacked; they warned him against going after the girl in the castle. Taking a giant breath, he bravely decided to go anyways. Cinderella, as you would expect, greeted him with great enthusiasm while Arnold very carefully examined him. At once, the prince returned home with Cinderella and they were engaged. They lived happily until a family dispute arose between Deidren’s parents and Arnold right before the wedding. The king forbade Deidren from seeing Cinderella and Arnold forbade Cinderella from seeing Deidren. Instead of dying together, they eloped and lived happily for seven more years. They were found and were once again going to be separated. Tired of running away, they murdered their parents in a giant explosion which they made appear an accident. Deidren took over the throne and they lived together happily ever after.